Boys will understand, girls will be intrigued. I am talking about the urinal flush in the little boy’s room. That great wave of water into the the trough, the little stage, the stand-up-and-wee.

Modern life has taken over the man’s action of flushing away the amber ale. Most public urinals now have a motion detector on the roof. According to the common manufacturer of this newfangled device, Zip, “it takes control of water consumption out of the hands of users and makes it manageable and predictable.” I beg to differ with the latter statement.

I have problem with this so-called progress in urinal technology. Firstly, they don’t always flush after you walk away. Secondly, the remove the power of the man. There was something satisfying about pulling the cord, pushing the button or pumping the lever after a wee. The gush of water refreshing the trough for the next man.

I have tried waving at the big brother on the roof to no avail. Sometimes I hear it go off when I am occupied with bigger businesss in the sit down section and no one has used it that time. It has a inconsistant personality. Isn’t modern technology all about consistency. I have since researched urinals on Wikipedia and discovered that it would be on a timed response rather than user activated.

I now revel in the outdoor festival with the line of familar porta-loos. They have a very satisfying pump action flusher. What heaven! You are phyisically pumping the water. What more could a man ask for. His muscle is doing the work. No gadgetry, just pure brut force. Maybe it could feature in the next Brut ad – pumping a porta-loo – brutally male.