It is so strange to be in a place where so many people know me. I’ve been in the Brissie burbs for a long time. I’m no longer a youngin in Rocky!
I’m enjoying being home with my family, especially the cut lunches I get sent to work with everyday! And the sun streaming into my bedroom as soon as it rises, my parents don’t believe in curtains (except in the toilets and bathrooms) and they feel windows are too small. So the only windows in our house are in the kitchen, and everywhere a normal person would insert a window there are big glass doors leading to the verandah. Where we can wander off into my grandma’s orchard or vege patch for fresh strawberries and other yummy alternatives. INSERT: “Emma, everyone will think we are rudie-nudies living in suburbia.”- Gail McBryde. “Tell them we live on a cattle property.”- Neil McBryde. “Because we do.” – Gail McBryde. It’s all very pleasant, even though our German Sheperds have been getting friendly of late, quite loudly. Kath and Pancho, or as I like to call them, Kath and Horny Pantso.
Things are hip, hop and happening here at the Morning Bully, tales travel far of shed-boats, axe-wielding burglars now laying in comas in Brisbane Hospitals because they were shot in the head at close-range (talk about a burglary gone wrong) and pollies applying for work experience right beside me. Yes, it is true, Robert Schwarten has asked to work at the Bully for the latest Labor stunt. I asked him what he thought of overwhelming opinion that people will be happier if he just takes a pay cut opposed to ‘walking in their shoes for a day’. He said he had no time for people who say ‘silly things like that’. Alas, good readers your fears can not be allayed because *gasp* the Editor is quite keen to take him on *sigh*. With a strict no opinion pieces policy. The Editor’s plans entail putting the shy, good-mannered Schwarto into the cow’s manure that the Robert Schwarten Pavilion at the showgrounds holds so much of by making him responsible for the vox pops. The voice of the people indeed. Speaking of vox populi, I did one (well, I’ve done a trillion by choice, I’m trying to show my enthusiasm regarding everything – except making coffee – oh yes, I was asked to make coffee) on ‘what job should Robert Schwarten do?’. And my favourite answer was: “Well I’m not from here, but I used to live here and I know Robert Schwarten. He’s a Labor-man, he’s a teacher and he’s a drunk. I think he should go to a drug and alcohol clinic and work as a psychiatric nurse to teach him a lesson because he gets violent when he’s drunk. I’ve seen it.” I wanted to put it in the paper, the Bully even has a great front page for defence against defamation – Robbie busting up Kirsten Livermore’s hubbie at a Labor party after a few too many, complete with picture – but, to no avail. And I really don’t think he’s a drunk.
Anyways, I gave the person who said “workie, go get me a coffee” the evil eye because I knew I’d make fun of him at some point later on in the day. Probably the next time his Mum called. But the Kiwi that started at the Bully the same day as me, paid not work experience, thought he was serious and asked me if I could get him a coffee. I asked him if he was joking, he said no, I said “At any point when you were doing work experience did you get coffees?”, he told me probably but he can’t remember. So I shot daggers at him with my eyes for about five seconds then said “Yeah sure, why not. But while I’m gone just remember that I’m alone with your coffee and I can’t guarantee that it will get back to you the way the barista gave it to me.” He hasn’t asked me since.
My writing is taking a very non-News Limited transformation Desley and John will not be happy with. Although, my stories are certainly more reader-friendly now. I have had reckons, Schwarto and many a contraction added to my repertoire (by people subbing my stories, not myself).
Don’t worry Des, I’ll strike a happy medium by the time I’m back. Halfsies between Murdoch’s butt-clenching formal writing to the loosey-goosey story-telling of APN. I even started off a story with a question the other day.
All in all, got a job offer for the only thing that will be going soon, a woman easing into retirement so I would only do two days a week. Oh well.
I’d also like to use my blog to express my heartfelt sorrow for Gill and her family’s loss. I had the fortune to meet her son, and he truly was a treasure. A kind, down-to-earth, handsome young man wearing his mum’s slippers in the Queen Street Mall on his way to buy a pair of shoes. I pray God’s blessings over her family’s lives in this tough time.