It’s Perth Royal Show judging time and this morning it’s all about a local German baker and his award winning breads. Germany and bread both make my things that are awesome list so this story is right up my alley.

Talking to the chief bread judge on the phone makes me incredibly hungry with his description of the prize winning breads – “Good sour aromas and the texture was very soft and moist. They had a nice appeal and finish on the outside.”

So hungry! Time to get out of the office and eat. But bugger, I don’t have enough time. I have to be at Ruben the Cuban’s gym to interview him and the female boxers. Looks like I’ll be interviewing on an empty stomach.

Ruben the Cuban turns out to be a real character and a half. Turns out he helped train boxers in his homeland for the Olympic team before moving out here. The girls are great as well. Lots of juicy quotes and some fantastic photos of them gloved up.

Now lunch. Oh no, the Re-Store is out of rolls! Bugger. Oh well, Japanese will have to suffice. By the way, if you are ever in Perth get yourself a Re-Store roll. Easily the best roll in Australia.

Back in the office, it’s time to write up the boxing story. Just as I file the photos come through. Looks like I will get a back page. Well a Claytons back page anyway. Being a suburban newspaper the back page is all adverts.

Now it’s time to start playing with my own baby. Earlier in the day I pitched a story about two local filmmakers. Their YouTube clip poking fun at Perth had gone viral since uploading it on Sunday. If you have a spare three minutes, check out This is Perth. It’s hilarious!

Looks like it will get a run, maybe even in all 17 newspapers in the arts section. Whoo hooo!

It has been a while since I have seen rain. Even longer since my little umbrella has seen it. The stupid thing won’t open. Bugger. Not a good omen for day one at Community News.

Luckily, I score a break in the rain from home to the train station and the train station to the newsroom. Things are looking up!

The newsroom is in Northbridge, think the Fortitude Valley of Perth. And it’s weird being in Northbridge during daylight hours. Kind of hard to navigate as well without my usual landmarks of open kebab shops and nightclub queues.

Despite not having any kebab shops as landmarks I manage to arrive and arrive on time.

As you walk into the office you are greeted by a big quote by social researcher Hugh McKay – “The suburban newspaper is, in effect, a symbol of the community.”

So pause for effect in the lobby and then up the stairs. There staring at me are the 17 newspapers Community publishes around town.

Some I’ve read, some I’ve heard of and others cover suburbs I didn’t even know existed.

So the Northbridge office is the base of operations for all 17 papers. Subbing, features and reviews all come out of here.

Most of the newspapers run little three man operations out in the burbs. But the two newspapers I’ll be working on – The Guardian Express and the Western Suburbs Weekly, are tucked away in a corner of the rabbit warren they call head office.

Matt, the Chief of Staff greats me and he’s a friendly, affable bloke. The kind of guy you would be happy to have a beer with at the pub.

He is keen to hear about Jschool and what it’s all about. The who, what, where, when and how are all asked. You can tell this guy is a journo through and through.

So we sit in his office for a while and have a chat while he shows me through a bunch of procedures. Then a quick tour and it’s hello desk time.

Not long after sitting down I’m flicked a bunch of press releases to turn into briefs. I pump them out post hast. A week ago I was doing the exact same thing on a Thursday afternoon in class. Now I am doing it for real.

Turns out Des knew what she talking about in between telling us never to order a pizza in our real name.

Then I’m handed a gift. A great story idea sent in by a local. Just around the corner is a Cuban boxing coach. Ruben the Cuban. He has just returned from Queensland with two champion girls who have had victories in the national Golden Gloves Tournament.

Yup that’s right, female boxers. And with the IOC just admitting female boxing into the Olympics for the first time, it’s timely with a great local angle. Interview and photos set up for tomorrow.

Then it’s back to press releases. But this time for a longer story. This one is about a massive groundbreaking news event. Six kittens found in a North Perth bin by a guy looking for beer.

Me being me I find the beer angle amusing but it’s not really news worthy so it gets the flick. Not the story but just the beer angle.

And then just like that it’s home time.

Opposition Leader Brett Barfoot’s leadership of the Bevan Party came under fire again yesterday when he embarrassingly admitted to not knowing the difference between Greece and Turkey.

Mr Barfoot, who should had been on the attack over Prime Minister Tim Eakins’ trip to Melbourne on a dumpling fact-finding mission found himself instead on the defence.

The mix up came during question time when Mr Barfoot continued to confuse the two countries when quizzing Mr Eakins about his choice of dumplings. 

Mr Barfoot said the mix up was regrettable but it was hardly an issue when compared to the Prime Minister using taxpayers money to go on a trip to Melbourne to eat dumplings.

“The Prime Minister has used taxpayer’s money to fly to Melbourne and eat dumplings. What’s wrong with bangers and mash right here,” Mr Barfoot said.

But Mr Eakins said it was clear Mr Barfoot had failed year five geography.

“Even more concerning is Mr Barfoot does not find it necessary for the Prime Minister to visit his home state of Victoria,” Mr Eakins said.

“Dumplings are an important part of the Australian economy, especially in Victoria and Mr Barfoot obviously has no concerns for Australian jobs.”

Greek community leader Con The Fruiter said he was disappointed in the way Mr Barfoot had handled himself.

“It’s like not knowing the difference between a watermelon and a banana. He should resign within a coupl-a-days,” Mr Fruiter said.

About the House

Good Day:
 
Prime Minister Tim Eakins who highlighted the opposition’s shortcomings and avoided questions on his dumpling trip like a pro.

Deputy Opposition Leader Rhys McCrae who hung his leader out to dry and is widely tipped to challenge for the leadership next week.

Bad Day:

Opposition Leader Brett Barfoot who spent all day trying to recover from his mistake.

Treasurer Ben Rodney who announced the government’s styled hair cut for every child by 2010 policy but who forgot to get a haircut himself.

Quote Of The Day:

“Do I need to remind the opposition we are awesome. We have awesome policy and awesome people and are all about awesome events. The only thing awesome on that side of the house is the fact they get to look at us.” – Minister for Awesomeness and Sport Adrian Demack loving the use of his favourite word.

She drinks lattes and apparently that is the coffee of choice for promiscuous gals. Who knew? So naturally she is worrying about sending out the wrong message.

Nerves aside I’m a big fan of the coffee date. If it is a disaster you can get the hell out of there in 10 minutes.

Dinner is a minimum commitment of an hour and that is a bloody long time. Especially if you have someone called Sam opposite who always introduces herself with; “My name is Sam, I like cats.”

After Sam spoke about her cats for an hour she ordered an affogato. I reckon over the years I have sat opposite every type of coffee drinker possible.

And I think that qualifies me to give you crib notes on who you might be dealing with when it comes time to order a cup of the good stuff. So below I present my very unscientific guide to coffee drinkers.

Long Black – A very serious coffee for a very serious person. Think Agent Gibbs from NCIS.

Flat White – Drunk by the painfully boring. Be prepared to have a conversation about cardboard boxes.

Short Mac – A quick and buzzing professional who doesn’t have the extra 30 seconds for milk. Probably won’t have the time for you either.

Long Mac – Attractiveness summed up in a coffee and incredibly funny.

Espresso – Drunk by someone who would rather read a newspaper than jump on an iPhone while waiting.

Affogato – Dessert and coffee in one equals possible spilt personality.

Ristretto – A very nasty bitter person will order one of these. Or an Italian nanna.

Cappuccino – Warning! You might think with all that chocolate on top that means sweetness but nothing could be further from the truth.

Latte – Screams promiscuity. Add soy milk for some good old-fashioned 70s free love.

For the record I drink long macs but WA style. East Coasters might know them as double shot lattes. I’ll let you decide what that means.

Being stuck at home last week with the flu (Not of the swine variety, just a good old, unsexy, unfashionable virus) got me doing something I don’t usually do when sick: Thinking about how to make money.

Usually I’m pretty good at dreaming up ways to spend money when I’m knee deep in tissues and butter menthols. Countless infomercials on bad morning television can make a Snuggie look like a worthwhile investment. Couple that with a bunch of car magazines and a bad dose of cabin fever and dreaming up ways to spend money while under the weather is an easy task.

One thing I haven’t seen for sale on morning telly this week though is face masks. Given the so called swine flu epidemic that we are told is sweeping the country you would of thought that one of the TV infomercial company’s would of come up with a line of fashionable face masks by now. But maybe they are too busy coming up with new ways to give us better abs and glutes.

I did notice a small, very plain advert in the Courier-Mail on Wednesday and have seen the occasional pharmacist pop up on my favourite comedy shows, A Current Affair and Today Tonight, telling us they have sold out of face masks.

But apart from that I have seen no signs of face masks being this winter’s must have item. So back to my big money making idea: Face masks for Australians.

I was in Japan in January and every third person seemed to be wearing a face mask. Of the people wearing one, at least half had a mask that wasn’t just a regular run of the mill white one. Hello Kitty face masks seemed to be particularly popular amongst the bubble tea set. But Hello Kitty on people’s heads probably won’t fly in Australia.

I’m sure if the swine flu continues to spread across the world international designer labels will soon have diamond encrusted face masks in their showrooms but even then I can’t see Aussies putting one on. Rose Porteous excluded.

If you watched enough Swine Flu Watch, also known as Nine News last week, you would know that the Queensland Government warned the highest risk of contracting the disease was at last Wednesday’s State of Origin match in Melbourne. They even quarantined kiddies coming back from Victoria for seven days.

So since Aussie’s aren’t going to wear a face mask unless it is absolutely necessary and already wear all sorts of ridiculous things if it is in footy colours, I propose footy team face masks for the Australian population.

AFL and NRL teams already flog everything from teaspoons to red wine so why not face masks. You could even have a novelty sized one on the team mascot. Which reminds me. Is there any footy team in Australia called The Pigs and if so how are they travelling this year?

1 – Make sure your fly is done up on the first day.
2 – Double check your fly is done up the second day.
3 – If you are wearing a suit, striking teachers may think you are the Government.
4 – If you tell the Premier: “I really appreciate your efforts,” she may offer you a PR job.
5 – Anna Bligh knows how to wear a pantsuit better than Hillary Clinton.
6 – You can’t read the Courier-Mail in the public gallery. Not sure if New Idea or Ralph is acceptable.
7 – No bathroom in all of Parliament House has a hand dryer. This makes drying wet socks a hard task.
8 – Question time is less fun to watch if you are wearing wet socks.
9 – TV journalists look less handsome in person but opposition leaders look more handsome.
10 – The cafeteria offers 1980s food at 1970s prices!

A win last Friday night by the best football team in the land reminded me of my love of hot pies. And by hot pies I don’t mean the mighty Magpies but the humble Aussie pastry.

I remembered a Queensland friend once told me about the pie mecca of Yatala Bakery: “Everyone in Brisbane should go at least once in their life.”

Upon arriving at Yatala but before getting stuck into a pepper steak pie I was stunned by the drive-through.

I have seen drive-through voting, drive-through banking and the obligatory fast food drive-through but I have never seen a drive-through bakery. And I have been to many, many bakeries.

One pepper steak pie and a pasty later I found myself watching the drive-through and pondering: Why had pies lost out to American fast food muck as Australia’s favourite road trip food?

Long before Australia’s intercity highways were littered with McDonald’s and KFC selling their greasy goods on both sides of the road, Australia’s favourite road trip food was the meat pie.

A family on the road would often call into a small town bakery for a pie and maybe a vanilla slice for dessert. These days the kids in the back of the car are more likely to ask mum to stop for a Big Mac than they are for a chunky steak and kidney pie.

This defeat of the pie can be seen all over the country and is obvious at Yatala. The turn off from the Pacific Highway proudly proclaims McDonald’s is just around the corner but mentions nothing of the bakery.

Sadly, short of McDonald’s selling a McMeatPie I can’t see the pie making a winning comeback anytime soon. At least I’m guaranteed Pies of the football variety winning this weekend. Maybe.

Speaking to Australia’s best looking journalism students from Brisbane’s Jschool, Gregory recalls the trial of convicted triple murderer Peter Dupas: “I was able to see him (Dupas) winking at the female journalists.”

If Gregory had not been sitting in that court he would of missed that small but important insight into a man described by Victorian police as “pure evil”.

“Don’t be tempted not to go,” Gregory adds.

It seems an obvious point but journalists, like any profession can come down with a bad case of can’t be bothered.

A winking serial killer on their psyche might just be the cure.

It showed the man walking through a graveyard of shopping trolleys looking forlorn and concerned. He would not of looked out of place at a mass disaster site.

He mentioned that he was considering bringing in by-laws to force supermarkets to pay a collection fee for their abandoned trolleys and fines for people leaving a shopping centre with a trolley.

But Mr Newman I don’t think this is the main issue with supermarkets that Brisbane City Council should be looking at.

A new by-law that would give city council workers the power to fine people who go through the ten items or less isle with over ten items should be implemented immediately.

A crack task force of under cover council agents could patrol the supermarkets of Brisbane and perform item counts on people’s trolleys going through the ten items or less isle.

The penalty could be a combination of fines and community service. The community service could consist of forcing charged offenders to collect abandoned shopping trolleys. Then everybody wins.